Next SpeakUP on Wednesday March 10th will be on what feeds us! Following up with our previous themes of boundaries and consent and saying and celebrating "no", we will focus our next games night on saying "yes"! So what feeds you? How do you take care of yourself? Make new friends? Relax? What makes you laugh? Please bring your journal or paper and a pen to this event.
It may be timeless, but the traditional advice, “Don’t let the sun go down on your anger” may not fit the modern relationship. 0:57 I am willing to contradict the Bible to find what works for the modern relationship2:20 Late at night, the gargoyles com...
If you have therapists and other mental health professionals in your networks of friends and family, there are a few things worth keeping in mind about how to be a friend to the folks who are quietly holding together the sanity of our country, one video session at a time.
In episode 12... We think we need to wait for something good to happen before we savor life. But it’s possible to savor the little things and in so doing, grow more of the good things we want. 0:44 I share a fun secret with you about my podcast and sex1...
The ability to connect your words to your sexual body matters. In episode 11, I share a first step to talking about sex in healthy, connected ways. Warning: this episode contains content that may be challenging for very sensitive listeners. 1:50 Sex bri...
On Wednesday February 24th from 6:30-8:30pm PST, we will explore what the elements of consent include. This night will be a fundraiser for central Texas communities of color hardest hit by the winter storms. Together, we will slow down and play games to help sensitize our relating muscles to what authentic consent in adult relating can feel like. It's a deeply healing practice. I hope to see you there to raise funds for Texas communities in need!
We’ve mostly been taught in love to make it feel good. But learning to expand into the ache of wanting but not having is a vital element for mature and empowering intimacy. In episode 10, I invite you to practice “grounded yearning” with me. 1:15 Distre...
In episode 9, I introduce you to my 19-year-old college self and describe my choice to start therapy. The year was 1995. I haven’t stopped since. Here’s why. 1:00 My intent is not to persuade you but to educate you.2:00 The beginning of my therapy journe...
Join us Wednesday, February 10th from 6:30-8:30pm PST to explore what it means to collaborate as community committed to creating new norms around boundaries together. By request, we are continuing this theme from last time because you said, "Yes we need to talk about this more!" Bring your questions, challenges, and quandaries about boundaries to practice setting and receiving boundaries in care-filled, skillful, authentic and healing ways. All are welcome!
In episode 8, I talk about why boundaries are important, what makes them so darn hard and an example of “re-norming” boundaries in my connection to my friend, Renee. 0:40 Shifting boundaries from being bad into something we celebrate2:00 We have to be...
In episode 7, I tell you about an exchange I had with my husband when I didn’t feel listened to and how I handled it. Making love stay is a practice. Here’s one way you can practice, too. 0:38 My husband didn’t get it right with me.1:25 What would you ...
This SpeakUP on Wednesday January 27th from 6:30-8:30pm PST, we are going to focus on the role that we as authentic community members play in helping each individual assert their limits and boundaries. Instead of reacting to a boundary by pulling away, we can offer, "Thank you for taking care of yourself" and other affirmations for the boundary that can change everything. Join us to practice this vital skill! No one turned away for lack of funds.
It's one thing to point out what isn't working in the world. It's another thing to become or embody the change we wish to see, as Ghandi famously called for. At our next SpeakUP on Wednesday January 13th 6:30-8:30pm PST, we will explore the small and big ways we can close the gap between sitting in the sidelines of a world in need and making direct differences in the way we make choices in our day-to-day lives. All are welcome!
In episode number 6, I introduce “inner parts work” and talk about saying “hi” to your critic. Try it out. You may just find that when you acknowledge your critic in a welcoming, friendly way, you create more room inside to let others in too. 1:40 The “...
In episode 5, I talk about how in a life of authenticity, we will make messes. It’s inevitable! Being able to say, “I’m sorry” with the integrity of your body and actions behind it will make all the difference for continued and deepening connection. 1:...
In Episode 4, I challenge you to make agreements with the people in your life to reveal more truth. It will change you, them and your ability to weather the storms of your lives together. 0:38 I serenade you!1:25 “Can you and I make an agreement?"3:00 M...
In Episode 3, I connect truth telling in relationship with getting connected to the body, even the stinkiest parts of being in the body! 1:50: What makes saying what’s true so hard.2:20: We were noticing what was true – but no one was naming it.3:20: “Do...
In Episode 2, I share a story from my childhood to demonstrate what it means to shed cool in lieu of taking care of ourselves and our hearts. Be sure to try this week's assignment! 1:25 Think about intimacy practices like exercise reps1:45 The harder lif...
Join a vibrant, virtual community as we nourish ourselves to take on 2021. I will be teaching a workshop Sunday January 17th titled, "Everything I Need to Know I Learned from Pussy". All about surrender in our sexual and intimate connections. See you there!
In this opening episode, I introduce the idea that everyone can cultivate the ability to connect in deep, satisfying ways. Think of intimacy like a curriculum. In "Under 10", I will share with you the tools for learning the curriculum of intimacy, step-b...
"Fall apart fast and die well", she urged. All I could do was jot the phrase down in my notes and breathe.
Though I am not a fan of the commercial holiday, I like the idea of using February 14th as a loving kick in the pants to inspire us to take emotional risks. To try out saying what's true, to admit our vulnerabilities and to reveal our insides more to the outside world.
“I’m surprised I’ve gazed at you so long without kissing you,” he told me recently. “Maybe it’s because you haven’t asked to kiss me”, I replied.
I will admit it. I was pissed. I know my youngest brother is a busy father of three. Yet for weeks he had delayed sending me an important package after swearing multiple times he would put it in the mail.
I trust you to the degree that you have welcomed your own wild out and befriended them... Only then will we be safe to love one another.
Ask anyone in the healing arts — a therapist of any stripe — what our biggest challenge is, and if they are being honest, they will tell you it’s getting in the other seat.
Pain without connection becomes like a death urge. An overwhelm for the heart and nervous system. A need to escape life and numb feeling. A panicked lockdown that knows, we were not designed to live like this.
I want words that aren’t the “doing” kind. Not the phrases that disorient you with some shiny distant maybe thing when underneath and right here and right now I’m dull and tarnished and wanting you to see. “It will work out”, “I’m really very lucky”, and “l’ll keep you posted”, I said How automatically I placated and hid, how easily you got distracted and how lonely I felt when you took my bait and smiled.
As an Intimacy Coach who focuses on helping my clients integrate trauma, I wanted to share my thoughts on why it is vital that a government that cares about the health of its people always empower women to have control over our reproduction.
A former client wrote me early this morning, reflecting on last weekend’s horrifying shooting at the synagogue outside of Pittsburgh, and said, “There is so much shared grief and disbelief — my personal experience seems unimportant. This is a time for community and for me to be calm and listen”.
I’m going to give you some advice. I know you didn’t ask for it.If you are hurting, tell someone.You’re the one sitting at the holiday gathering putting on the smile that fools them all, laughing at the right moments and being witty to keep them sure, “This one’s got it together.”
It’s Wednesday again. Which means the nervousness will start right after lunch. As the afternoon wears on I will grow distracted, answering texts a little too fast and checking Facebook compulsively. My gut will begin to churn shortly after 4pm. By 6pm I will have tried on and changed my outfit at least three times. Despite my weekly resolution, I will still leave my house 10 minutes late, my feet cement, loath to exit my warm loft for the cold walk to my car.
I love my anger. I have been likened to a lioness several times in the last few weeks and I feel pride at the comparison. Pun intended.It’s taken me years to access this power. For most of my early adulthood, my lioness lay muzzled. With her on my side now, awake and roaring, I feel strong.
The hashtag for much of the activism around the nomination of Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court is, #BelieveSurvivors. I have been reflecting deeply on what that means. In light of the response by many to discredit people -not just women but all genders – who come forward with stories of sexual assault, I wanted to share my perspective on why believing survivors is a radical act of service, support and healing.
In the past few days, I had the opportunity to experience my body in the throes of food poisoning (Note: do NOT read on if you cannot stomach stomach stories). The nausea hit towards the end of an evening client session which posed a tricky predicament, though luckily I was able to maintain my composure and close the session before racing to the bathroom.
If you only know me as an outspoken sexuality coach, you may not know that my spiritual life growing up in Plano, TX, included a living relationship to a very personal God. In my parents’ home, when I woke up, I thanked Jesus for a good night’s sleep
It wasn’t that I hadn’t seen pussy before. To the contrary, having dated women throughout graduate school, I was definitely more familiar than most with being close to another woman’s body. So it couldn’t have been just the mere fact of pussy that made that spring morning in Austin in 2012 so impactful.
I also thought, since this retreat is all about introspection, why don’t I leave my contacts out and let the world fade. Thirty years of wearing corrective lenses has rendered me acutely nearsighted and so the blurry world around me made it easy to anchor my focus inside.
When the news broke about the recent shootings in Dallas last Thursday, my heart froze. I found out when my friend Saul messaged me on Facebook. “Turn on the news”, he wrote. “There have been attacks”.
Ever since grade school I have gravitated to leadership. Yep, I was that kid. The one who always got A’s, was quietly liked by most and ran for and got elected to Student Council President and Class President in the same year. I was 12. I still hadn’t menstruated. I wore big, horn-rimmed glasses and my hair was usually frizzy.
I’d like to share something here about my grief process of late. Sunday, a very close friend of mine died in a car accident. No warning, nothing in her life indicated the end was near. A car hit her and she was gone.
My favorite line from The Princess Bride, my favorite childhood movie, begins like this. “Surrender!” commands Prince Humperdink, as he and his henchmen surround a battered Westley and Buttercup as they limp out of the woods of the infamous Fire Swamp.
It usually starts the same way. One of us has something difficult to share. It’s like a hot potato, difficult to hold. We toss it about, circling the conversation before eventually blurting some news to the other that lands like a burning coal we didn’t see coming. Ouch! Damage is done.
A simple tenet uniting all of us in holistic wellness is that we all want to feel good. Seems obvious! To have harmony with our spouses. To have that cute guy or girl call you back. To be running a bustling business. To wake refreshed each day. I know that’s what I want!
