When conflict takes over your relationships, most people default to silence. But silence wounds our relationships. When you use this tool, you won’t have to pay the price of silence between you again. 1:45 I’ve been seeing a lot of this in my private pra...
Reflective listening is deceptively simple. Anyone can practice it. And it has the potential to help us “catch up” when overwhelming events can be too much to digest on our own. 1:30 Emotionally metabolize events that are too big 2:15 Listening for du...
When the going gets tough in relationship, sometimes you need more than words to reconnect you - you need bodies. In this episode "teaser", I introduce why sex as a practice can save and sustain your connection over the long term. Check out the full sho...
Having things unsaid in a relationship will clog the pipes of your connection. In this episode, I explain that it’s never too late to get vulnerable and bring the flow back. 00:49 Big announcement about “Under 10” 1:39 Where to find me on Patreon goi...
“Just moving on '' after the worst of the pandemic poses major risks to our quality of life and capacity to connect. When you have the courage to slow down and honor what you just went through, you can retrieve and re-integrate the parts of you that got...
In this week’s episode, I delve into the importance of a self-pleasure practice and specific steps you can take to create or deepen your practice. Whether you’ve been pleasuring yourself for a lifetime or have never felt ready – until now – I’m grateful...
Most people feel some shame about masturbation. Yet self-pleasuring is a powerful way to know what your body wants. In this episode, I tell the story of how I met the Grandmother of Masturbation and invite you to reflect on your earliest messages about ...
In the moments when your feelings are bigger than you can handle, it’s important to have options. In this show, I share three “go to” principles to practice both when you most need it and especially in the times when you don’t. 1:35 No one-size-fits-all ...
When we only show our outsides to each other, we can feel alone. In this episode, I show you my insides and give you permission to do the same and to feel how connected we truly are. 1:05 There’s one main problem with being f*cked up 1:33 What if we had...
Though it may seem simple, opening with gratitude when what you want in love touches you can shake you to your core. In this episode, I explain why and offer you practices for growing this capacity. 1:21 Caveat: you may not like this story 1:40 Somethi...
When you start to get what you want in love, a whole new challenge arises – the opportunity to learn to live life at a higher voltage. In this episode, I offer you practices for expanding gradually so you can receive what you want without getting in you...
You can spend your life focusing on what you don't want and criticizing the people who want to help you. Or you can get oh-so-turned on about the best two minutes of your life. You decide. 1:40 The negativity bias saves us time and again 3:00 But it un...
Without knowing what you want, you will have a very hard time getting it. In this episode, I explore how to clear the channel between you and the voice of what you want so that you can hear the animal of your desire. 1:05 In order to ask for it, you have...
In this episode, I attempt to normalize why asking for what you need whether big or small can feel scary when you think it might rock the boat of your intimate relationship. 1:30 Dr. Brene Brown’s definition of vulnerability 1:50 In order for love to ge...
In this episode, I introduce two principles for growing community that I have learned from my years of starting groups. In this era of prolonged social isolation, it’s revolutionary to still find ways to gather. I invite you to get your hands dirty with ...
Individual therapy is important. But it will never alone fill the needs that community so powerfully meets. We need the village more than ever. In this episode I explain how being a part of a healthy community, in addition to doing your personal work, is...
Most people never learned why talking matters in our love making. In this episode, I explain how words in bed are the road signs orienting you for the journey and teach you three different forms of communication you can use to connect to your partner dur...
Everyone gets triggered. What makes the difference between constant breakdown and healthy relating is what you tell yourself and how you mend. In this episode, I invite you to bring compassion to your triggers so you can learn from and heal these momen...
In Episode #50, I share with you a secret about my sex life and reveal a lesson that I’ve been teaching you all along throughout all my previous forty-nine episodes, though you may not have realized it was actually about sex. 1:38 Climax in movies or lit...
Unless you have the training, it can be easy to talk at people rather than learning how to talk to them, leaving you lonely and disconnected. In this episode, I introduce you step-by-step to the simple, life changing practice of “tracking impact” and cr...
Pet names are sweet and fun. But if you use them too early in your relationship, you risk falling in love with an idea of a sweetheart rather than the actual person. Here’s how you can avoid that pitfall and help your relationship last. 1:30 Remember th...
Instead of only sounding in your love making when you feel pleasure, in this episode I explain why you might moan in order to expand your pleasure and in so doing, become a source of your own enchantment. 1:08 I’ll be talking about sex in this episode 1:...
It can be easy to rush through a quick squeeze without realizing that hugs can be a source of deep nourishment for our relationships. In this episode, I introduce you to the four principles for learning to give good hugs. 1:11 These two men said I give ...
Healthy intimacy is not a given. It takes practice, especially when we don’t feel like relating. In this episode, I break down how to align with your desire for connection even through your resistance. 00:55 Intimacy in all forms is a practice. 1:21 I’m...
Following the intensity of last week’s podcast, this week’s show is about the period of rest after the expansion, why down time is so important and my favorite suggestions for how to nurture your nervous system. 1:14 How I first learned about coming down...
In this episode, I share the sad yet empowering story of our recent miscarriage and how that event challenged and deepened my bond with my husband and brought me closer to my community. May this account help others on a similar path to know you are not a...
The hard times in life are unavoidable. But feeling alone and isolated inside of them is not. How we listen when our loved ones are struggling can make all the difference. 1:21A hypothetical, low stakes conversation and three options for listening 2:20 ...
Loss hurts. And in the face of it, we can easily resist. When we consider softening something – anything – when we confront loss, we stand to birth new parts of ourselves from which to keep living. 1:17 I share a personal story of epic love, high stake...
Pacing our communication and seeking consent for the small and big transitions in conversation can smooth the rough edges of our relating and build trust. In this episode, I share this “relational superpower” with you step-by-step. 1:13 I tell you what...
Shame keeps us small, cut off from our instincts and separate. In this episode, I teach you a practice for taking your power back from shame as well as helping others do the same. 1:42 Definition of shame from Dr. Brene Brown 2:33 Get curious about your ...
The default is to see others through a narrow lens of what separates us. In Episode 38, I challenge you to look for what connects you to others and take your power back to shape your perception of the people around you. 1:20 I serenade you. 2:32 When we ...
Though it’s easy to blame our partners when we feel turned off, sometimes it’s ourselves that we have fallen out of love with, not them. Beginning by restoring our relationship to ourselves can salvage our love affairs. 1:10 How the pattern of compromi...
If eye gazing makes you squirm, you aren’t alone. But have you ever wondered why? In this episode, I describe the process by which eye gazing reveals the truth of our hearts. 1:07 A first eye gazing exercise 2:66 A peek into what I teach couples in inti...
It’s easy for relationships to burn hot and to burn quickly out. But if you’re after lasting love, it’s the friendship that you will want to prioritize. In this episode, I explain why and how. 01:10 Many couples are struggling right now. 2:25 My high sc...
Without skill or care, an apology can re-inflame the argument and cost us greatly in time, energy and emotions. In this episode, I teach you the four steps to making a heartfelt and efficient apology. 1:18 Think about the last time you apologized 1:38 Ap...
If we aren’t careful, we can treat kissing like a stop along the way to sex. But good kissing can be its own destination and invites us to arrive, over and again, through our lips. In this episode, I tell you how. 2:13 I always considered myself a good...
Most of us were taught to hang on in relationship no matter what. In this episode, I talk about how letting go and creating space can actually bring us closer to love especially in long term relationships. 1:14 Closeness without space creates imbalance....
Many of us learned that crying is a sign of weakness. In this episode, I suggest that to the contrary, crying is a sign that you are paying attention to life as long as you are safe enough to let go of control. 00:58 When was the last time you cried? 01:...
Everyone has the wild feminine in us – the part that feels most deeply. In a world that says “you’re too sensitive” as a way to keep us numb, it’s vital that we cultivate the relational skills to take exquisite care of the sensitive hearts that want to t...
Fighting the feeling of time always running out takes discipline and is necessary to truly live. In this episode, I teach you about the “vertical” axis of time and how to make moments count. 1:48 Busy is not a feeling 2:07 A lack of presence will be ref...
In this episode I explore the intersection of personal healing work and anti-racism, beginning with "decentering". I attempt to describe how decentering ourselves as white people can be a deeply healing practice to us and to the collective wound of raci...
Given the intense stress of this past year, it’s likely a part of you is stuck in time and still shocked at it all. Emotional digestion practices are essential for getting unstuck and liberating our energy to receive life in the present. The “wow” pract...
When we are scared, it’s easy to judge others based on our fears. But when we reveal our more vulnerable parts to one another, we shift from relating to our projections of others to relating to the complex, messy and marvelous humans actually in front o...
After this past year, most of us are sitting atop a mountain of tension and unexpressed anger. In this week’s episode, I discuss why anger is essential to survival and what can make the difference between anger that hurts us and others and anger that tra...
Fear has divided so many of our communities. Are you willing to try to connect through the differences? It's not an easy task. In this episode, I offer initial steps for connecting through conflict. 01:16 Where I live, there is fear in the air. 2:14 Con...
When love comes knocking, can you grow beyond who you have been to let it in? That’s the question I ask in this episode as well as offer a partner practice that can transform your relationship to receiving. 00:32 I start by giving you some love – can yo...
Resisting the urge to numb ourselves from the overwhelm of life takes determination. In this episode, I teach you a simple tool that you can practice any time for reclaiming the preciousness of your moments and turning stale air into pixie dust. 00:43 M...
Politeness teaches us to ignore what is right in front of us. Curiosity gives us permission to get out loud again, name what’s present and revive our nerve endings. In episode 21, I invite you to reclaim curiosity with me. 1:20 She asked me about what wa...
Boundaries not only protect us, they make it possible for us to let others in. However, if your emotional sensitivity is a survival mechanism, it can feel impossible to stop taking responsibility for others. In episode 20, I describe the challenge of bou...
When the tough stuff in relationships arise, most adults look the other way which can be deadly for the quality of our relating over time. But if you have options, you don’t have to default to avoidance. In episode 19, I offer a 5-step process for addr...
The bottom line about grief is that it’s better to feel it than resist it. Yet, most adults resist grief. With episode 18, I demystify the communal grieving process as well as make a connection between pleasure and grief that I bet you didn’t realize. 1:...
In Episode 17 I talk about how using a timer can not only help you be more productive in life, it can also intensify and direct the heat, desire and yearning in your physical intimacy. I dare you to try it this week. 0:49 “I’ll time you!” worked every t...
There’s so much in life right now that can’t be fixed or changed. The harder option is to listen, ground and feel. In this episode, I walk you through how to say nothing as a listener and in so doing, effectively lighten the emotional loads of those ar...
While infants can’t do it, as adults we can ask for what we need when we most need it. In this week’s episode, I share candidly about my rough week and how I found my words to climb out of my despair. Episode 15 is here. 1:00 I introduce you to my sist...
It’s an advanced skill to avoid blaming those we trust the most when we are hurting. And it’s vital for ensuring we preserve our sources of support when we most need them. Episode 14 is here. 1:00 A definition of blaming in relationship2:00 The conundru...
It may be timeless, but the traditional advice, “Don’t let the sun go down on your anger” may not fit the modern relationship. 0:57 I am willing to contradict the Bible to find what works for the modern relationship2:20 Late at night, the gargoyles com...
In episode 12... We think we need to wait for something good to happen before we savor life. But it’s possible to savor the little things and in so doing, grow more of the good things we want. 0:44 I share a fun secret with you about my podcast and sex1...
The ability to connect your words to your sexual body matters. In episode 11, I share a first step to talking about sex in healthy, connected ways. Warning: this episode contains content that may be challenging for very sensitive listeners. 1:50 Sex bri...
We’ve mostly been taught in love to make it feel good. But learning to expand into the ache of wanting but not having is a vital element for mature and empowering intimacy. In episode 10, I invite you to practice “grounded yearning” with me. 1:15 Distre...
In episode 9, I introduce you to my 19-year-old college self and describe my choice to start therapy. The year was 1995. I haven’t stopped since. Here’s why. 1:00 My intent is not to persuade you but to educate you.2:00 The beginning of my therapy journe...
In episode 8, I talk about why boundaries are important, what makes them so darn hard and an example of “re-norming” boundaries in my connection to my friend, Renee. 0:40 Shifting boundaries from being bad into something we celebrate2:00 We have to be...
In episode 7, I tell you about an exchange I had with my husband when I didn’t feel listened to and how I handled it. Making love stay is a practice. Here’s one way you can practice, too. 0:38 My husband didn’t get it right with me.1:25 What would you ...
In episode number 6, I introduce “inner parts work” and talk about saying “hi” to your critic. Try it out. You may just find that when you acknowledge your critic in a welcoming, friendly way, you create more room inside to let others in too. 1:40 The “...
In episode 5, I talk about how in a life of authenticity, we will make messes. It’s inevitable! Being able to say, “I’m sorry” with the integrity of your body and actions behind it will make all the difference for continued and deepening connection. 1:...
In Episode 4, I challenge you to make agreements with the people in your life to reveal more truth. It will change you, them and your ability to weather the storms of your lives together. 0:38 I serenade you!1:25 “Can you and I make an agreement?"3:00 M...
In Episode 3, I connect truth telling in relationship with getting connected to the body, even the stinkiest parts of being in the body! 1:50: What makes saying what’s true so hard.2:20: We were noticing what was true – but no one was naming it.3:20: “Do...
In Episode 2, I share a story from my childhood to demonstrate what it means to shed cool in lieu of taking care of ourselves and our hearts. Be sure to try this week's assignment! 1:25 Think about intimacy practices like exercise reps1:45 The harder lif...
In this opening episode, I introduce the idea that everyone can cultivate the ability to connect in deep, satisfying ways. Think of intimacy like a curriculum. In "Under 10", I will share with you the tools for learning the curriculum of intimacy, step-b...
