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Couples Coaching2019-08-27T11:55:50+00:00

Are you seeking support to repair, enrich or discover your relationship?

I have spent most of my adult life being terrified of intimacy. Lots of people always liked me, but I had no idea how to let people in, how to be “knowable”. Consequently throughout my twenties and most of my thirties, I was chronically lonely. And I didn’t realize there was an alternative. Sound familiar?

But there is an alternative. And whether you are single and looking to find love, in a partnership and looking to untangle or deepen your connection or simply want to come alive inside of your own skin, I can teach you how.

As you probably already realize if you’ve found me, no intimacy ever happened without vulnerability. Dr. Brene Brown, whose work has inspired my own, defines vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure”. So that means if you are really practicing vulnerability, it’s going to be scary – see that word, “risk”?

If you want to find genuine and nourishing connection, like I do, there’s just no way around the scary. And that fact keeps a lot of people marooned in safety and chronically lonely. But it doesn’t have to stop you.

I can teach you how to gently strike that balance between managing your fears of being hurt and stepping forward to be brave despite your fears. It’s possible. I practice every day. And every day, my relationships become richer.

I specialize in coaching singles and couples to have the connection you crave. I can teach you the specific tools – step by step – for untraining your habit of blocking your heart and learn to open or re-open your inner world to your partner or for the sake of prospective partners.

I often think about my coaching sessions like the emotional literacy class none of us got but we all desperately needed in junior high. Coaching with me is less about exploring what isn’t working and more about you building the “intimacy muscles” to get you and your relationship back on track.

Vulnerability is a practice. Together in my Intimacy Coaching sessions, you and I will start practicing.

For singles and couples looking to get your intimacy on track, I offer coaching at my Port Townsend office and by video to you anywhere in the world.

My couples coaching is right for you if:

  • You have lost that “spark” or feeling of being turned on by one another and in life
  • You DO have that spark, but know it could be hotter and want to fine-tune your connection
  • You let the “little things” get in the way and just can’t shake that constant, low level annoyance
  • You have experienced either small or major stressors and you never fully recovered
  • You feel distant from your partner and you want your intimacy back
  • You believe this relationship is worth investing in and you are ready to have what is possible

The elements of my coaching will be tailored to you and your partner and may include:

  • Communication training
  • Mindful embodiment coaching
  • Sexuality education and training

Communication Training

Through couples coaching with me you will practice:

  • How to reveal your inner world and show up to receive love
  • How to listen for the communication beneath your partner’s words
  • How to slow down when an argument begins to heat up
  • How to use a creative shorthand to interrupt the cycle of disconnection and reconnect
  • How to ask for what you want cleanly, and in turn, hear your partner’s requests with approval
  • How to negotiate the optimal balance between independence and interdependence while avoiding the trap of co-dependence

Mindful Embodiment Coaching

Learning to be in your body will be a foundation of our coaching. These skills will include:

  • How to inhabit your body and listen to sensations, the language of the body
  • How to cultivate trust in connection to your body’s sensations
  • How to connect your words to your inner experience – being “connectable”
  • How to use this template to stay in real time with your partner
  • How to draw upon body awareness to discern the difference between fears and desires
  • How to use sensations as an anchor to which to return to transform projection (the tendency to blame) into connection and the willingness to be vulnerable

Female LGBT couple

Sexuality Education & Training

To the degree that you desire to deepen and explore your sexual connection with one another, I can teach you:

  • How to let go of agenda and be present to the rise and fall of sensation in your body
  • How to stay connected to your partner in high sensation and connect your words to your experience
  • How to ask for what you want and own your desire
  • How to feel into what is called the “limbic connection”, your body’s hard-wired ability to tune in to another person
  • How to use simple boundaries to bring you closer by heightening the sense of relaxation and safety
  • How to apply clear requests/boundaries in and out of the bedroom
  • How to discover what your organic turn on for one another looks like without expectations or predetermined roles or patterns

If you are interested in learning any of these sets of tools as a couple, contact me HERE to set up a complimentary consultation – called an Exploratory – to explore how to engage a practice of vulnerability in life and in your relationship.

It’s not easy, but it’s how we come more alive. And, through the right support, it can be so worth it.

PRAISING GOD WHILE HAVING SEX: FAITH FROM THE BEDROOM

By |August 17th, 2017|Categories: Couples Coaching|

If you only know me as an outspoken sexuality coach, you may not know that my spiritual life growing up in Plano, TX, included a living relationship to a very personal God. In my parents’ home, when I woke up, I thanked Jesus for a good night’s sleep

A SIMPLE GATEWAY TO GET THEM TO REALLY HEAR YOU

By |April 5th, 2016|Categories: Connection Games, Couples Coaching|

It usually starts the same way. One of us has something difficult to share. It’s like a hot potato, difficult to hold. We toss it about, circling the conversation before eventually blurting some news to the other that lands like a burning coal we didn’t see coming. Ouch! Damage is done.

Testimonials

I have been seeing Dr. Jessica Tartaro as my couples coach for over 2 years now and the impact of our sessions has been life changing for me and my family. I have learned so many lessons that I wished I have known much sooner. Not only am I healing myself, I now have tools to raise healthier children and most importantly have a healthy relationship with my husband. I recommended her wholeheartedly and congratulate you on working on you. We are all interconnected. As we choose to do better and be better, I believe there is possibility for the world to become better. Thank you Jessica for spreading compassion and authenticity.

~C.D.

We turned to Dr. Tartaro at a time when communication between us had broken down so far that there was talk of divorce. Within a few sessions, Jessica had helped us to rediscover the passion, patience, and communication skills we had lost. She has excellent skills and a presence that really helps you want to try the techniques she is suggesting. Thank you, Jessica for helping us to save our marriage!

~C. and C.R.

My husband and I were referred to Dr. Jessica Tartaro for help with our intimacy and communication. After our exploratory session, we were sold on her ability to dig deep into our issues and offer useful tools for us to better connect with each other. We signed up for 10 sessions and had a major breakthrough in our 3rd session that completely changed how my husband and I see each other and interact. Dr. Tartaro is able to help you find the underlying causes of your feelings and actions and how they affect your daily life. Unlike other therapists that you have to spend several sessions filling him or her in on your life and why you are the way you are, Dr. Tartaro doesn’t need or even really want the backstory. Her focus is on the present and the tools she offers are invaluable. Relationships and marriages take a lot of work. I cannot thank Dr. Tartaro enough for helping us to see things from a different perspective. She has been able to articulate feelings I have felt and couldn’t express for 10 years in just 10 weeks.

~Brooke

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