I want words that aren’t the “doing” kind.
Not the phrases that disorient you with some shiny distant maybe thing when underneath and right here and right now I’m dull and tarnished and wanting you to see.
“It will work out”, “I’m really very lucky”, and “l’ll keep you posted”, I said
How automatically I placated and hid, how easily you got distracted
and how lonely I felt when you took my bait and smiled.
I pulled deeper into myself then, obscured by my scarf and those awful reassurances that felt like saboteurs slinking out of my mouth.