i LOVE Speak Up and Jessica Tartaro

until i joined Speak Up,
i didn’t know how deeply i yearned for
deep human connectedness,
how little i had,
and how my practice of keeping safe
isolated me from others and myself…

i had ‘friends’, but i knew
little about making authentic connections…
i relied on my carefully-scripted cover stories,
and being agreeable, hiding parts of me that
felt shameful,
to feel protected and safe…
this did not make for strongly connected friendships!

when i began going to Speak Up,
just thinking about dropping my ‘cover’
and being ‘open’ and truthful in a group of strangers,
set in panic!
i pasted on a big smile and slammed my lips tight!
my history had formed me…
human closeness and exposing myself,
meant only one thing…
if i showed too much of my true self,
there was punishment and correction…
no parent or elder supported me
to be true to my desires
or unique in any way…
i lived in stories i dreamed up about how my life could be,
not the cruel reality of it…

~Elisabet Skyhawk