Under 10: Mini Podcasts on Intimacy with Dr. Jessica Tartaro

My new weekly podcast on Intimacy with installments of ten minutes or less about each week’s theme. Sign up for my newsletter on the bottom of this page to receive my podcasts directly to your inbox.
Want to request a theme or ask a question? Email me and stay tuned!

How to use “Under 10”

This podcast began because I am working hard to stay connected to my friends and family during the pandemic (think, relationships as lifelines right now).  In an effort to reach across the miles with one particular friend, I had been exchanging voice memos that were growing longer and longer as we reflected on the state of the world and our own hearts.  In response to a recent memo, she wrote me back and said, “I’ve got it. You need to turn that last one into a podcast!” She raved about how much she learned from what I had shared in a casual reflection.  And a lightbulb went off.  I know not everyone is going to hire an intimacy coach. Why not share the tidbits I have been collecting day-after-day in my private coaching in bite-sized shorts on the themes I teach. I set to work figuring out how to share my voice memos with the world.  And voila, “Under 10” was born.

Think of these mini podcasts like voice memos reaching out to you from a friend through the isolation saying, “Hey, I see you! You’re not alone”. Except better, because they include tools that build on each other for growing intimacy between you and others. Podcasts will come out on Mondays and each week there is an assignment for you to practice! Be sure to tune in, engage the practice and leave me a note about what you learned in the comments section at the bottom of the page. Each assignment will build on the previous week’s podcast. 

Listen below on Apple or on Spotify and enjoy the episode notes to help you follow along!

Episode 6 – Saying “Hi” to Your Inner Critic aka Letting Others In

In this episode, I introduce “inner parts work” and talk about saying “hi” to your critic. Try it out. You may just find that when you acknowledge your critic in a welcoming, friendly way, you create more room inside to let others in too.

1.18.2021 – Episode Notes

1:20 The “outer” work of intimacy depends on the “inside work” of connection with ourselves
2:05 Introduction to working with parts
3:15 Health is the integration of all the parts
4:12 Can you hear your critic?
5:37 My critic is a tight-bun-wearing-academic who roars!
6:50 Live demo: I say hi to my inner critic (a first step)
8:57 If it’s not a fun party for me inside, I’m not going to invite you!
9:10 The voice of the inner critic will block you from loving me
9:32 Even a little softening makes room for others to get in
9:39 You can try this with kids too!

Podcast Edited and Produced by Sal DeRosalia 

Episode 5 – The Embodied I’m Sorry: More Than Words

In this episode, I talk about how in a life of authenticity, we will make messes. It’s inevitable! Being able to say “I’m sorry” with the integrity of your body and actions behind it will make all the difference for continued and deepening connection.

1.11.2021 – Episode Notes
1:05 In a life of authenticity, it’s not a question of “will we” make waves. We will. It’s how we clean it up that matters.
3:00 Taking up space is part of being a healthy human. In a dynamic, full range life, we want to make an impact. It’s a sign that we are connected.
4:35 Growing up, I heard “I’m sorry” without change.  I learned not to trust those words.
6:25 “I’m sorry. And, I would like to know the impact my actions had on you. Would you tell me?”
7:35 When I can tolerate the discomfort, I can learn from my behavior.

Podcast Edited and Produced by Sal DeRosalia

Episode 4 – Saying What’s True Part 2: Making Agreements for Truth

In Episode 4, I challenge you to make agreements with the people in your life to reveal more truth.

1.4.2021 – Episode Notes
0:18 I serenade you!
1:05 “Can you and I make an agreement?”
2:40 Making agreements creates a “net” to catch us in the discomfort so we don’t have to run away
3:55 Last week I confronted my sister about a broken agreement
5:15 “Authenticity is efficient”
6:00 It’s never too late to come back into truth.
6:17 Starting with “I need to admit that…”
7:20 When you prioritize truth in relating, you don’t have to hide when the going gets tough
7:45 My challenge to you for the week – make your own agreements for truth

Podcast Edited and Produced by Sal DeRosalia 

Episode 3 – Saying What’s True Part 1: Starting With the Body

In Episode 3, I connect truth telling in relationship with getting connected to the body, even the stinkiest parts of being in the body!

12.28.2020 – Episode Notes
1:30 What makes saying what’s true so hard
2:00 We were noticing what was true – but no one was naming it
3:00 “Don’t name the thing”
3:53 I don’t like mustard!
5:10 How do we reconcile what we are saying with what we are feeling? Begin with the body
6:15 First practice this week: Notice the body without story
7:12 I say the “f” word (it’s not what you think)
8:00 When we start with the body, we close the gap between what we feel and what’s okay to name
9:33 Second practice this week: Notice that we all fart, including you!
11:10 I was using new recording software and couldn’t see the time tracker and “Under 10” got a bonus minute ;).

Podcast Edited and Produced by Sal DeRosalia 

Episode 2 – Risking Uncool To Get On Purpose In Connection

In Episode 2, I share a story from my childhood to demonstrate what it means to shed cool in lieu of taking care of ourselves and our hearts. Be sure to try this week’s assignment!

12.21.2020 – Episode Notes
1:05 Think about intimacy practices like exercise reps
1:25 The harder life gets, the more we need “connection muscle tone”
1:50. Discipline can be sexy!
2:50 A very embarrassing story from 1986
5:00 Dad wanted us to pause and interrupt “business as usual”
5:30 A new definition of cool
6:25 My husband squeezed my knee at this point
6:40 “Are you available to talk? I really need someone to listen”
7:30 Your challenge for the week (with options)

Podcast Edited and Produced by Sal DeRosalia 

Episode 1 – Emotional Literacy: The Class None of Us Took (but it’s not too late…)

In this opening episode, I introduce the idea that everyone can cultivate the ability to connect in deep, satisfying ways.  Think of intimacy like a curriculum. In “Under 10”, I will share with you the tools for learning the curriculum of intimacy, step-by-step.

12.14.2020 – Episode Notes
30 seconds: The birth of this podcast
2:25 I reveal my age
2:54 What was missing in my education (and yours too)
4:45 What if we practiced relating like learning scales on a piano
5:50 Think about this podcast like an intimacy class
6:25 Getting on purpose with our relating
7:40 Your assignment for this week
9:30 No need for shame if we treat intimacy like something we can all learn

Podcast Edited and Produced by Sal DeRosalia 

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Clyde Lovett
Clyde Lovett
18 days ago

Entertain, Educate, Enlighten – you envelop the listener with soothing voice, personal tales, and useful tools. Thank you Jessica for these wonderful podcasts!

Dr. Jessica Tartaro
Reply to  Clyde Lovett
16 days ago

My pleasure, Clyde! Thank you for tuning in!

14 days ago

I’m tuning in each week and feel nourished by the continued prompts and encouragement to deepen in my intimacy practices… thank you 💛
It has been a theme for me since Solstice – the connection of actively speaking more truth to better live from my heart. But I still need reminders, like daily! I sent off a voice message to a friend I needed to share some deeper truths with (right before listening to this most recent podcast, actually). I have not heard back yet, and am breathing into the space now that feels full with vulnerablity. No matter how she responds, I can feel how necessary and relieving it is to admit the less obvious dynamic we were playing in that is not working for me. I know I am taking the best care of myself, and our connection by doing so. Love and High Fives to all who are being brave in the name of better connecting. 💕

Dr. Jessica Tartaro
Reply to  Mia
7 days ago

Love and High Fives received and returned, Mia! Thank you for tuning in and I’m so glad you feel nourished. The real time practice of sharing truths can feel extraoooordinarily challenging – I’m rooting on your courage! And I must ask…how did it go with your friend?

12 days ago

Thank you for all of the good reminders on how to communicate effectively! I am enjoying your podcasts and hearing your calm voice.

Reply to  Connie
7 days ago

Ahh, I’m thrilled, Connie. You’re so welcome. We can all use a little extra calm these days, right? Glad my voice is settling to you :).

7 days ago

It’s so great to have all your specific examples, for how to go about these various things. Like, “I need to admit that…” You make it so much EASIER to contemplate actually DOING them! Thank you so much, Dr. Jessica.

Last edited 7 days ago by Katherine
Reply to  Katherine
7 days ago

I’m so glad the “pointers” give you a starting point to put these ideas to practice. I’m honored to have you tuning in, Katherine!

louisa mclaren-donovan
louisa mclaren-donovan
7 days ago

episode 5 is my favorite so far. Apologizing is hard and so is waiting for one. And as for making it sincere or receiving an authentic one, even harder. The idea of asking someone how your actions impacted on them can only make your apology more heart felt and asking for permission to let someone know how you felt hurt may induce a more sincere apology from them. I have 3 kids, and relationships have been fraught during this time of lock down. i am in the UK and home schooling which just adds to the stress. Can I make a request for a podcast about how to navigate relationships with your kids in these difficult times?

Reply to  louisa mclaren-donovan
7 days ago

“Fraught” says a lot, Louisa. I can only imagine with three kids the challenges you are facing! Though I don’t specialize in communication with kids, I can offer a few pointers which I will plan to weave into Episode 6 and beyond. Thank you for tuning in!